An end to an era

I woke up this morning to birds singing and fresh air. The second time in nearly 11 years. The first was yesterday. Jimmy and Sue Taylor from downstairs moved back to some trailer park in Indiana on the family farm last Friday. After nearly 11 years of loud homicidal conversations starting at 4 am, the smoke from 2 x 2 packs a cigarettes a day wafting in through the bathroom cabinet and living room windows and the exhaust from the succession of Jimmy's clunkers filling our lives ... well, I can see rainbows and unicorns and pots of gold and fluffy clouds and clear skies and hear angels singing.

And oddly enough, we're going to miss them. Jimmy's bar fight stories were a hoot, of course, only after living here a year or two when I realized they we're not going to kill us in our sleep because our baby sitter parked in the driveway for 10 minutes to drop my daughter off. Jimmy had a temper.

"I done did kill amman for touching my leather jacket back in Texas. Can't go through Texas anymore".

They were in their 50's or 60's and had lived in our apartment for 20 years until the Northridge earthquake and then moved downstairs while repairs were done in our place. Jimmy said the stairs were killing him. He'd come and go from his apartment 5 times an hour to work on his car or his weekly garage sale of stuff he'd find in the alley. They lived in our building a total of 31 years. With rent control, they probably paid $400 a month for a 1 bedroom in a prime area of Santa Monica.

Jimmy and Sue would work the carnival when it was in town (St. Monica's and St. Anne's have a carnival every year) and sometimes drove far to work it for extra cash. They collected disability checks.

Sue had all her teeth removed about 5 years ago. I'd see her sometimes pan-handling out in front of the Post Office on Wilshire Blvd. The first week we moved in she came to my door asking for food and money. I knew I had to establish boundries from the get go and said "no". She never asked again. She had the maturity of a 12 year old, a good heart and never wore a bra. Her uniform was leggings and an oversized t-shirt with a cuddly animal pic on it. She loved hand-held video games and stuffed animals. And had for years been talking about taking my daughter to Universal Studios. That was never going to happen, but I was never going to say that - volleyball tournaments always messed up that plan ;)

Jimmy stopped during his hair black about 6 years ago. It was long and grey. He mostly wore jeans a t-shirt, leather jacket and boots. Occasionally, he'd wear short shorts from the 70's and let his very unfit physique hang out. You tried to avert your eyes, but it was like a train wreck and you always looked and then regretted it.

They used to complain about my daughter making too much noise. I always told them that I'd get her to stop dancing in her room when they stopped smoking. That usually shut them up for a bit. They mellowed over the years. Jimmy grew more and more gleeful when talking about moving back home. Santa Monica wasn't a good fit for them. He'd catch me getting in my car and would go on about how he fixed something or other on his car to be able to make that trek across country or that he was waiting for the next check or ...

I gave them a photo of us ... they asked me for it. An end to an era. It is truly amazing how nice it is not to wake to yelling and cussing and the tv blaring at all hours ... even if it was muffled by the floor.

40 with an average of 18

I rode 40 miles today. It was ok. My back is still giving me grief, but the way back was much better than the way out; riding my bike always made my back feel better. Stretching at mile 20 made my hips/back crack and the pain was instantly gone. If only it would stay!!

The best part of the ride ... catching up with Anne :)

4-6 mile run tomorrow ... depending on how the back feels. Better charge the iPod ... best pain reliever ever!!

But, but ... I love(d) to ride!

I've developed an aversion to riding my bike. This saddens me to no end. I never thought this could be. I am mad at my bike. I'm tired of getting hurt. Twice this year I've fallen from my saddle: once last month because of some idiot who backed into me and the other ... last week in the living room (yes ... its still funny). Two years ago I had to ditch my bike because one of my breaks failed (after I had had them worked on) and I didn't want to crash into the peleton I was riding with. Fractured three ribs. They still hurt sometimes after a hard swim or yoga class.

Everyone knows .... I loved my bike ... LOOOOOOOOOVVVED it. Loved. Past tense? Is the relationship over? Have I been hurt one too many times to forgive and ride?

I've been eying a Cervelo P3. Wow is that bike beautiful. I had a Cervelo One. You know, the first Time Trial bike Cervelo made. It was a low budget gem. That bike was sooooo fast. I nicknamed it "The Rocket". We spent a year together riding very very fast. And then it started to fall apart. Cervelo didn't make it to last. And it didn't. Things were falling off it every mile or so. It began to flat on every ride with no explanation. The chain fell off constantly ... even after I bought not one, but two new ones.

My Litespeed road bike was still there waiting for me once the Cervelo was sold.

I've had my Litespeed for 8 years. I fell in love with it during the test ride. I thought I'd never have to buy another road bike again. I've upgraded the components and wheels. But I have never done an Ironman on it ... I rode The Rocket last time up in Canada. 2 flats too. Bu tyou already know about that.

Can I make it work? The Litespeed, I mean? I bought a new seat and seat post after the crash last week. They seem just fine. My aerobars need fixing. The chain needs a bit of oil. As much as I'd like to buy the P3, spending that kind of money right now seems needlessly decadent in a time when frugality is the acceptable trend.

I hope tomorrow's ride brings back my love of my bike ... my love to ride.

An Intimate Moment with a Photograph

I wrote this the night before a first date with someone I met on Matchin the spring of 2004. It was an intense two week email/instant message courtship that was both incredibly exciting and strange ... could that kind of never-felt-like-this-before chemistry online transfer offline? It did. And after we were dating for a bit I shared this with him. He was blown away on several levels and urged me to submit it somewhere for publishing. Later that summer, while driving home from a 5 day volleyball tournament in Reno, one of the volleyball moms, who was once a high powered, literary agent in Manhattan, said she'd submit it to the New Yorker. Two months after that, I received a check from Conde Nast that was big enough for me buy a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes on eBay and celebrate; the New Yorker had optioned my piece. I have since received another small check, never actually saw it published in the magazine and now that the Option has expired ... here it is:

Oh and the guy ... he had to move away for reasons that I totally understood and actually wouldn't have had it any other way. We still stay in touch and no one I dated before or since has come close to evoking the same feelings for me.
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An Intimate Moment with a Photograph

Have you ever stared into someone's eyes for an hour? If so, what did you see? Endless possibilities? A soul as deep as the deep blue sea? A mirror that reflects your exquisite imperfections? Love? Hate? A thousand candles burning in a temple in some far off land that teeters somewhere between spiritual bliss and human suffering?

It was your words that compelled me to you contact you, but it was your eyes that made me click, inviting me to come in. What did I see? Warmth. Depth. A glint. An energy. A hidden smile. Fun.

When I was younger, my brother, always the entrepreneur, sold tickets to the neighborhood kids to see his sister's, my eyes glow in the dark. Like a cat's eyes. They didn't. He got in big trouble.

I’ve been told that I can hypnotize the least suspecting male with my baby blues. I’ve actually seen it happen. This guy bought 15 boxes of Girl Scout cookies as he stared into my eyes. It wasn't a conscious thing on my part. It just was.

Have you ever looked across the room at someone, someone special, caught their eye and your heart skipped a beat? Have you ever communicated understanding with just a look? Shown displeasure with a glare?

I spent sometime with a blind girl name Emily. She’s a triathlete. And you would think that since her eyes can't see, there would be nothing to see in her eyes. Wrong. So wrong. I saw focus, determination, and excitement. Of course we were talking about Wildflower the race I had done that morning (long course) and the one she was about to do the next (olympic) with her guide, Luis.

I remember the look in my grandma’s eyes when I found her on the floor in her kitchen. Peaceful ... at last. She had just lay down and died. She’s my mother's mother. And was never happy in all the years I had known her. And there she was looking happy for the first time.

Do you remember your oldest’s eyes when he was first born? If he was at all like mine, there wasn't much going on. Her eyes were dark bluish grey. It was about a week before there was expression. And a bit longer before they became true blue. We really don't know how she got her blue eyes. Her dad's eyes are brown. And we thought that was the dominant gene. But she had blue eyes in all my dreams when I was pregnant.

I’m sitting here in the near dark, computer screen glowing. I’ve got your picture up - the close-up one, the one where I can look into your eyes. Even though it is just a photo and completely motionless, there is so much there. And I pretend that you are looking at me and … I am looking forward to looking into your eyes for real.

This week's training schedule 02/23/09

So ... last week was a bust. Yes, my back got worse despite the therapy. One 4 mile run. No rides. Our pool closed down due to a broken heater. I finagled a free pass to the Y and got in a nice swim before I crashed my bike and all I've done since is two 4+ mile walks.

I did schedule a massage for today and that seems to compliment the acupuncture and I am slowly on the mend. I don't know how much I'll be able to do. I actually really did hurt myself crashing. I feel like I'll never make it to Ironman ... one step forward and one step back. But I constantly remind myself that even though it seems like I'm not making progress ... I really am. But is it enough?

Here's my schedule for this week:

Monday: off, massage
Tuesday: swim, core/upper body workout
Wednesday: ride 60 minute, upper body workout
Thursday: swim, core/upper body workout
Friday: run 4 miles, lower body workout
Saturday: ride 2 hills hours
Sunday: run 6 miles

so ... i crashed my bike yesterday

in the living room. Yes ... go ahead and laugh. I'm sure it looked hysterical. scared the be-jesus out of my daughter, Gabriela and her boyfriend, Orhan who we in the other room both icing their backs (G hurt herself in the weight room at school and O is just a battered HS soccer player - they won 1st round of CIF's yesterday, BTW). I'm sure it sounded horrifically spectacular.

Here's what happened: my seat post broke in a way to flip my seat back, thus, I slide backwards taking my bike with me flipping it 180 degrees over me ... i only went about 90 degrees onto my back after hitting and sliding ... down my Chinese bamboo cabinet (its ok, phew!). In the process, my handle bars batted a glass vase, sending it shattering into the wall behind me and my front wheel knocked the tv off kilter ... luckily not all the way off.

How totally absurd and yes, comical. I wish I had a camera going! I'll be fine. Will know more in a day or two ... you know how injuries can get a bit worse before they get better. I am sore in weird places and have some interesting bruises - but nothing like hitting the pavement. I do have two large cuts one in the crease behind my left knee and the other on my inner thigh and cannot figure out how that happened; CSI has yet to investigate :)

Guess I'll be shopping instead of riding this weekend. I like shopping for bike stuff. Need to get a camera too!

This week's training schedule 02/16/09

I made it through last week's schedule just fine. Workouts were good ... had a great run, but my back is starting to object. I herniated a disk in my lower back while rowing in college. And, of course, I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to loose my seat in the Varsity boat. Before my first Ironman, I went to the acupuncturist for the Korean Olympic team. The only words he said in English were, "This gonna hurt". He was right, but after 3 weeks of several session a week I was pain and sciatica damage free.

I think I'll have to have my back worked on before it prevents me from working out all together.

Here's what's up for this week:

Monday: off, acupuncture
Tuesday: swim, core workout
Wednesday: ride 75 minute, upper body workout
Thursday: swim, core workout
Friday: run 4 miles, lower body workout
Saturday: ride 2.5 hills hours
Sunday: run 7 miles