Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Goal: Faster Longer Stronger

Ok. I'm putting this down. Goals for Ironman Canada:

Best case scenario:

Swim: 1:15
T1: :8
Bike: 6:40
T2: :5
Run: 4:50

Worst Case scenario (been there so this isn't that hard to come up with)

Swim: 1:25
T1: :10
Bike: 8:00
T2: :12
Run: 7:00

To be honest, I think I'll have a good swim, a good bike and a decent walk/run. No bee stings this year. I know I can improve upon my time from my first visit to IMCA. Today is 7 months to the day and counting. Today, I have no doubt that I can go the distance, its a question of how fast and how to manage the pain without an upset stomach.

So, there it is. I'd love to say that without illness I'd have an 11 and a half hour Ironman, but I can't. I don't live without illness. I'm finally admitting that to myself. Living in denial isn't good for anyone, least of all me. I have to factor "bad days" into everything that I do... that I want to do so as not to let people who count on me down. So as not to let myself down. I have to live within realistic terms. This isn't going to be easy for me. I have always been the overachiever type (2 bachelors degrees in 4 years, Varsity Crew, VP of the USC Tri Club, Volunteered for a Presidential campaign, boyfriends, triathlons, lifeguarding, studying in Moscow, going to as many Olympic events that I could squeeze into a day .... etc. all in my 4 years at USC) And even though I say that I am a recovering over achiever, let's face it: I still think I can do it all ... that is until its obvious that I can't. I don't want to say, "I used to be able to (fill in the blank)" anymore. I am who I am right now and right now I am trying to convince myself that I need to just be. I can't hide the pain anymore and suffering alone and making excuses are just not who I am nor who I want to be, even when things get tough.

I am already an Ironman. No one can take that away. And when I forget, I have a pretty tattoo on my wrist to remind me. (Crossing off N0.3 Sign-up for an IM, No. 45 Get my Mdot tattoo and No. 46 Get an inspirational tattoo off from my list of 47 things I need to do before I turn 48).

Now coffee, to the Farmers market, then a run on the beach and about 4-5 hours of work building training programs and filing 1099 forms!! I'm sure there will be teenage mischief throw in there too. Happy Saturday!

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